"Love is like quicksand. The deeper you fall in it, the harder it is to get out." - Unknown
Hmm… To pizza or not to pizza… That is the question.
“Hey Rose… where are… Where are you going?” drifted Marissa’s small and slightly slurred voice from somewhere to the left of me. I stopped my fifth or so attempt at tying my shoelaces back up to look and see if I could pinpoint exactly where my roommate had chosen to lie down. I spotted her rich, flowing hair on the floor, splayed out in all sorts of directions, before I saw the rest of her. She looked peaceful. It was as if she had discovered the floor to the side of the bed as being not only more comfortable, but a more acceptable place to find slumber. I giggled as I stumbled over to her and we made the joint effort to hoist her fairly limp body onto an actual mattress.
“Kyle… Kyle invited me… because his room… and there’s pizza,” I mumbled in a similarly sloppy fashion which was shortly followed by a strange half snort half cackle that seems to only occur at certain levels of inebriation.
That’s right kids. I was drunk. I’m not proud of it, and I’m not advocating it. I’m just being honest with you here and trying to tell the story as truthfully as possible. I was nineteen with little experience of independence and nightlife, and I was trying to make the most of it. Basically, I was doing what most young people stuck in between their teens and their twenties with access to alcohol do: getting a little wild and not caring about knowing my limits.
It was only the second city of our tour stop, Houston, Texas, and already it was proving to rival the amazing experiences we’d had in our first stop in New Orleans. We had arrived in the city early that morning and had the day off to have fun. Marissa and I had gone shopping during the day and then a majority of the cast went out together that night. We had just come back from a night of dinner where they didn’t card and dancing at a club event in which Kyle was hosting and Far East Movement were performing. If there had been a contest as to who had drunk the most, Marissa and I probably would have won that night. But I wouldn’t exactly call us winners, because Marissa had had almost half a bottle of vodka accidentally poured on her at the club, and I had lost my brand new iPhone 4 that my dad had given me as a belated birthday present before we left for tour.
The club had gotten a little out of control that night to say the least and when cops came around, Kyle helped escort all of us swiftly back to the car that would take us back to our hotel. It was then that I had realized my phone was missing and I freaked out and thought my life was over. Crazy thoughts rushed through my head like my parents were never going to be able to get in contact with me again and everyone outside of the tour cast would think I had died since I wouldn’t have my phone on me to respond to them.
Kyle had grabbed my shoulders, leaned in closer to my ear, and said, “Shhh…It’s ok, Rose. I will try my best to find it. You need to get out of here.” He was close to shouting what with all the people, music, and general club inflicted noise all around us, but his voice had sounded soothing and reassuring to me nonetheless.
Now it was what seemed like many, many hours later and I was getting a phone call in my hotel room from him telling me to come up to his room. He said that he was hanging out with two other friends and that they had brought pizza if I wanted a couple of slices to help sober up. But let’s be real. I didn’t even need the “sober up” excuse before I was up and clumsily trying to get my shoes back on not even two seconds after hanging up.
Ok, sober up some, soldier, before you go in there. Kyle doesn’t drink and he’s definitely not going to find sudden interest in you if you’re being “that girl”. Just keep your mind focused on walking straight. And don’t do that thing where you squint up your eyes because you think it makes you look less drunk. News flash, darling: It makes you look completely wasted. Good effort though. Now go!
I tucked Marissa in bed and made sure that she was on her side before heading up to the floor that Kyle was on. When I knocked on his door he answered and led me straight to the goods. I threw myself on to the bed and started gobbling up slices of pizza while Kyle introduced the two other guys in the room whom I didn’t know, but whom had also apparently been at the club event.
“We stayed for an extra hour after the event closed to look for your phone, Rose,” Kyle explained to me after I asked about their treasure hunting luck. “We couldn’t find it,” he said, his eyes looking sympathetically into mine. “I’m so sorry. We looked everywhere.”
Um… Is it the remaining alcohol in my system or is it that hypnotic gaze that’s making me so damn dizzy right now… Ha! Good thing you look so appealing right now, Rose. Yes, you are quite the catch in your slightly embarrassing state of intoxication. Keep devouring pizza slices like they’re trying to run away. Don’t worry about coming up for air every once in a while.
Kyle stopped mid-conversation for a nanosecond before he busted up laughing at my loud and sudden belch.
Wowwwww. I mean at least he laughed, but seriously try to pull yourself together, woman!
I couldn’t really follow the conversation that was going on because I was putting all of my efforts into eating greasy carbs in order to sober up, but next thing I know the two friends of Kyle’s were hugging me goodbye and exiting promptly out the door. I shuffled around to try and locate my shoes one last time, and this time managing to do so in a more reasonable and timely manner. Kyle suddenly cleared his throat and appeared next to me out of what seemed to me like nowhere.
“How are you feeling? Are you still feeling pretty drunk?” he probed.
“Oh, um, I’m fine,” I smiled up at him. “I’m good. Feeling a lot more sober. I’m fine. I’m just a little dizzy. I will sleep it off. It’s no big deal. Really, I feel good. Thanks, for the pizza! That really helped.”
Why on earth are you rambling so much?? You might as well be carrying a neon sign over your head that says, “I’M NERVOUS AND I LIKE YOU. COULD I GET ANY MORE AMATEAURISH?”
“Oh, good. I’m glad,” Kyle sighed with relief. I started to make my way to leave when Kyle once more interrupted me and asked, “Do you want to stay and talk for a bit?”
Wait… What’s going on here? Umm… Who cares!? Just go with it!!
I kicked off my shoes and jumped back onto the bed and before I knew it, Kyle had joined me. We lay next to each other on the bed and talked for what felt like hours. At one point we were poking fun at one another and I pushed his shoulder playfully. Never to be out done, he retaliated by lightly wrestling with me. I laughed as he picked me up and shifted my upper body on top of his in a sort of laying down hug position. After a brief moment of anxiety, I quickly pulled myself together and let my whole body relaxed onto his. I cocked an eyebrow and waited to see what he would do next. He gently grabbed one of my hands and placed it on top of the side of his face so that I was cradling his head while he held my body to his.
My heart was racing. I mean, as a dancer and having experience in partner work, it’s not unusual to be more open with physical touch, and “snuggling” if you will, with one another, but this felt different. This wasn’t your regular “we’re dance partners” snuggling. This was more like “I like you” snuggling.
He’s going to kiss me. Oh. My. God. Either I’m going crazy, or he’s going to freaking kiss me!
I held my breath. It was now or never. He looked into my eyes and I knew right then and there, that it wasn’t just me who had feelings. Even in my still slightly inebriated state, the spark was electric… And then I proceeded to chicken out as I hurriedly slid my body a little further down his so that my head rested on his chest and away from that magnetic, pulling eye line. The moment had passed and with my body pressed up comfortably against his we continued to talk about randomness, enjoying each other’s company and ignoring the missed opportunity in the air that was like an elephant in the room.
Damn it!! I think I’ve ruined it. Again. I mean, I think he’s actually into me… So why did I pull away?? Arghh! Well… Maybe he’s not really into me and it was just the left over alcohol in my system talking and conjuring up my fantasies, making them seem real. If he was really into me he would have kissed me by now. I mean what guy holds someone that closely and doesn’t kiss her, unless he doesn’t think of her in that way. Oh, god… Good thing I didn’t go for it first! That would have been SO embarrassing! My drunk-ass almost cost me an incredible friendship. I can’t imagine not having him with me on all these incredible adventures to come in the next couple of months. And all due to the awkwardness I would have just created… But, man. I really thought I had felt something. It’s just all so confusing!
Next thing I know the sunrise was just peeking in through Kyle’s hotel windows. I realized that I had fallen asleep on top of Kyle mid-sentence last night. I positioned myself upright enough so that I didn’t wake the still sleeping beauty, yet had a clear view to look at him.
He was perfect. Motionless other than the light breaths that were coming out of his slightly parted, full lips, I flushed at how handsome he was. Suddenly, I had a strong urge to steal a kiss from him.
If you do it now, and do it quickly, he would never know. He’s clearly knocked out at this point and his lips look so delicious and inviting even in the throe of his sweet dreaming… But how awkward if he wakes up on you! Oh, no. Kissing him while he’s sleeping is not only creepy, but a terrible freaking idea, Rose. New plan: Get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible. Oh, and stop being creepy. Thanks.
As I moved soundlessly out of the bed still fully dressed in the clothes from the night before, I took one last look at the peaceful, sleeping man I had spent the night talking and snuggling away with. I walked over to him and put my hand one more time on the side of his face where he had placed it mere hours ago.
He didn’t even stir. I took my hand away and leaned closer towards his face, holding my breath and possibly my heartbeat along with it.
I placed my lips on to his cheek, still warm from my hand, and gave him the quick little “minis” that he liked so much before silently evacuating the premises in order to not disturb him.
Missed opportunities. There were several of those within the last few hours. I’m so confused now. I like him more than ever, and last night I was sure that he was feeling me too. Well, at least for a second there I was sure. Now I’m back to square one. I’m stuck with all of these feelings and I know I’m going to burst any second. I just wish I knew what he was thinking before I make a huge mistake and embarrass myself. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I think I’d better steer clear and cool off for a while before something happens that I will regret…